uggggghhhh.

i'm feeling incredibly blah right now. last week was looking up with the election and my head feeling less tilt-a-whirl-ish, and then susan and i (i thought) made some new friends who seem cool and funny and nice and down to earth. i'm all about down-to-earth people. they make my day. so, last week: happy. this week i'm crying and i can't even blame it on pms. i hate that. i like to have excuses to cry.

so over the weekend the ear ache that i've had on and off for the past few weeks began to make my head feel like it was going to explode. i wanted to make sure it wasn't an ear infection so i went back to the doctor and was like, what now? she said my eustachian tube isn't draining correctly. two months ago when i had a cold that started all this head crap, stuff hung out in my sinuses then drained to my ear and refused to evacuate. the good news is, no infection. the bad news is, i have to deal with the pain until it subsides.

my head is a bit better today since i spent a lot of time yesterday coaxing my ears to drain. this involved much massaging of my eustachian tube, and wow that really sounds dirty. anyhow, it must have worked because i'm feeling less like my head is on fire today. also, i bruised that half of my head with the repeated massaging. no pain, no gain.

so the head thing is getting better--again. good.

now on to a completely different topic that is making me unhappy: since i overreact to everything because that's just what i do, i'm freaked out that we haven't heard from our new friends in a couple of days. we were in the middle of making plans to hang out this afternoon, then--silence. for a normal person this probably would not be reason to freak out. i mean, two days without hearing from someone? chill the fuck out. not a big deal. but for me, it's cause to recall every single thing i said to them to determine whether i said something offensive or lame. the answer is pretty much no, i didn't, and if my sweet charming self said something to offend them already? it probably wasn't going to work out anyway. also, i'm afraid because this has happened before. this is familiar and not in a good way. austinites (lesbians in particular) are famous for saying they're going to get together with you and then, nada. or, you start to befriend someone and they disappear. i've heard this complaint a lot, from people who are not me. no idea what that's all about but i was so hopeful that this was going somewhere and now i'm thinking it's not. it's making me sad.

this likely wouldn't be causing me so much anxiety if not for the fact that over the past two days, one of my friends moved out of state without telling me (wtf?), and another insinuated that we really aren't very good friends at all (again, wtf?). this has left me feeling, um, horrible. probably not unlike how mccain felt when he realized he was going to lose the election (from what i've read, even after things had started to look very bleak the man sincerely had no clue he was going to lose, and when his staffers finally decided it was time to break the news to him his response was: how did this happen?). yes. that right there.