Monday, October 31, 2005

closet? or bath tub?

this afternoon i went to the newest and closest (closer than starbucks, even) caffeine dealer in my neighborhood to study for my next statistics test, and on my way there i noticed that the sky looked kinda dark. that wasn't too surprising because the chance of rain today is 60%. once i got there i was happily oblivious to the weather because i was in a cinderblock building, away from the windows, and there was nice music playing. also, studying for statistics takes all the concentration i can muster because dear god it's uninteresting and totally unneccesarily complicated.

when i got tired of studying, i left. i'm not sure if this was a smart move or a really stupid move, because when i walked outside i saw just how black the sky really is. but i'm trying to overcome silly fears that i have (flying, storms, and other things i have no control over), so i thought, "eh, it's not so bad. so it's going to rain. i can deal with rain." and then i drove the four blocks home.

i got home 30 seconds later and the wind started blowing. hard. at the front of our yard we have a gate, and when i tried to close it, really, i felt like dorothy must have felt in the wizard of oz when she's trying to close the gate at auntie em and uncle henry's house and the tornado is coming for her. but still, i wasn't scared.

then i got inside and locked the door (because locked doors protect me from violent winds, obviously) and the big dog hopped out of the bath tub to come greet me. he hangs out in the bathtub during storms. i realized his bath tub habit one day when i couldn't find him during a storm and i looked all over for him. finally i found him curled up in tub and shaking. he's smart but a giant wuss.

i should type faster. the storm is coming.

so, big dog greeted me and then i turned around and looked outside and this huge wind gust blew a bunch of leaves in a swirly pattern all over the yard and i was sure a tornado was on the way. that was when i quit acting like i wasn't totally freaked out and just started freaking out. i turned on the tv to the check out the weather and found out that north of us there are 100 mph winds. the weather dude was like: that can't be right! and then: uh, that's bad.

it so doesn't help that i drank a double shot latte and i'm all jittery because of that. now i'm extra all jittery and am about to hide in the closet. or in the bathtub with the dog, i'm not sure yet. also, i can't get in touch with alvin. he sent me an IM saying it looks like rain. then he went away. actually, he's probably fine (he's in a large, sturdy building), but he is in the way of the hail. i'll assume he's ok. knowing him, he's in a meeting and is completley oblivious to the bad storm and the fact that the dogs and i are completely freaking out. it wouldn't be the first time.

i love cold weather, but i really wish i didn't have to go through this for it not to be 100 degrees here.


Friday, October 28, 2005

a really stupid story in which i use the phrases fuzzy monkey ass and HRMS to prove that they're totally applicable to everything.

yesterday evening alvin and i were walking from the house to the car to go get dinner, which normally involves a pleasant and non-treacherous walk through the yard. when we leave the house the dogs can often be found playing in the yard like this: big dog humps beagle dog, and beagle dog chews on big dog's ears. they enjoy it. they were playing like this last night.

so we were walking from the house to the car and the dog tornado came roaring at me from out of nowhere. they were kind of tumbling around, i guess, but i didn't see what they were doing exactly. all i know is that it ended in painfulness that continues to hurt.

alvin says they were running around playing and that when big dog saw he was about to run into me, he tried to change direction. unfortunately, beagle dog was attached to him (chewing on his ears, perhaps) and the momentum of his 85-pound dog body didn't allow him to stop the dog tornado in time. so they both ran into me at full speed, and my legs pretty much fell out from underneath me. i landed on my knees. this was actually a good thing, because last time i fell and used my hand to stop the fall i sprained my wrist (the pain from that fall was so bad that it caused me to throw things across the room, which really didn't stop the pain). this wasn't quite as bad, but i skinned and bruised my knees. i didn't cry, even though i really wanted to, because we were on our way to dinner and i didn't want to look like fuzzy monkey ass.

i later realized that in the process of falling i apparently tensed my shoulder and neck muscles and now they HURT. i put icy hot on my neck and took some liquid crack, but the pain hasn't gone away yet. i frequently pull my neck and shoulder muscles so i'm kind of used to this, but still. you would think that i could have at least hurt myself by having hot raunchy monkey sex or by doing something interesting. but no, my dogs knocked me over. the only good thing to say about that is: 1. i didn't land in a pile of dog crap and 2. they felt bad about it afterwards (i could tell because they quit playing and acted remorseful, as they should).

Thursday, October 27, 2005

mirrormask, dog poop, and screaming monkeys.

last night my sister and alvin and i went to see mirrormask, and we all enjoyed it very much. of course, having a fever the first time i saw it made it a tiny bit better because the pretty colors seemed more vibrant. last night, sans fever, i picked up on details i hadn't noticed the first time. i could write about them but i've totally forgotten what they were. alvin and shannon both liked the film as much as i hoped they would, which was good because i would have felt really dumb if they hadn't...considering i went on and on about how much they would like it.

but the other seven people besides us in the theatre--they didn't laugh. the dallas crowd was much more entertained. why weren't the austin people laughing?! where was their sense of humor? i actually snorted during one scene, which was pretty embarrassing considering that no one else was laughing. besides my sister. at me. for making pig noises.

i promise to stop talking about mirrormask now.

today i was driving through my neighborhood and saw this great hand-painted sign in someone's yard. it said:

Hello! Please don't let your dog poop in our yard anymore!

at first i thought perhaps they were referring to my dogs (don't ask) until i realized that we don't walk the dogs by that particular house. after the relief set in i was amused. that's one more thing i love about my neighborhood: people paint nice, cheery signs about dogs shitting in their yard. they're sweet like that.

in class today, the lecture was once again interrupted by shrieking coming from down the hall. followed by very loud yelling and more shrieking. when i say interrupted, i don't mean that the lecture stopped but that half of the class stopped paying attention for as long as it continued. i don't know what the hell is going on (angry monkeys? emotional group therapy sessions?), but it's rather disconcerting both that it happens and that it never phases the instructor. that frightens me. i keep expecting someone to go postal on us. wondering if i'm going to die really detracts from my ability to pay attention to numbers.

also, i heard today that frito girl broke up with her boyfriend. not having a boyfriend should give her carte blanche to get it on with the guy in class who couldn't open her frito bag that one time (and i didn't mean that to sound as nasty as it did). dude called her his "favorite note passer" last week. it was disgusting and cute all at the same time.

also also, i realized today that the people i'm competing with for a spot in the grad program i applied to--two of them are in my class. i tried not to listen as they talked about their relevant volunteer and work experience and their applications. it almost made me want to cry.

Monday, October 24, 2005

how i make major decisions.

today my magic eight ball yoda said that i will be accepted to grad school. actually, what he said was: yes. and he didn't say it so much as that's what turned up in his blue, liquidy underside. i hope he's right.

he wasn't sure whether alvin and i will ever get divorced. that's ok. i ask yoda some difficult questions*, and i don't expect him to know everything. (though he did correctly predict that we would be married.)

and no, there's no reason we would get divorced right now. maybe later. and only if yoda says so.

*yoda just predicted that the dog that screams incessantly might possibly meet an untimely death as a result of the incessant screaming. yoda also said it would not be my fault.

good weekend. bad cold.

my weekend in dallas was very pleasant and equally entertaining. it would have been more fun if i hadn't whined every five seconds about not feeling well, and i hope none of you dallas people contracted whatever i have (i have no idea what i have, but it's still here and i can't stop sneezing). i like dallas a lot more than i expected--i assumed it would be like houston, only more north. but it's not, really. it probably helps that dallas isn't surrounded by oil refineries and that i was chauffeured around to nice places all weekend by linda, who tried to kill us with her mad driving skillz. she so needs to try harder next time.

my drive home was not so much fun, partly because i wasn't feeling well and partly because the traffic out of town was freaking awful. btw, kate, don't feel bad about not wanting to drive on the freeways there. i'm all for five-laned freeways, but i don't want to drive there either. yesterday was kinda scary. i can see how it would be like, why don't you just shoot me now and we can skip the driving part? beacuse i felt like that a couple of times, too.

when i left dallas it was a lovely 46 degrees and windy and cloudy and rainy. and i was like, wheeee! coldness! and then i got in my car and drove south. around waco i realized the clouds and cold were gone and it was more like the dustbowl. the cold front finally caught up with me in austin around 10 last night. slow ass front.

so, my weekend was relaxing, and that's just what i wanted. i liked mirrormask so much that i talked about it all through dinner last night and later made alvin watch the trailer and eventually he was like, why don't we just go see it? so we're going to watch it sometime this week.

speaking of dinner, we went to the kerbey lane down the street from our house. and i'm pretty sure our hot server boy was the same hot boy i saw after class that one day a few weeks ago. i've never seen this particular server at kerbey lane before, and i wondered why he looked familiar, and then i realized where i'd seen him and i had this OH GOD moment and blushed. a lot, which i don't usually do anymore. so dinner was good, too.

thank you all for everything =) and susan, it was so nice to meet you and kenza!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

so much for free speech.

a couple of weeks ago i wrote about this reaction to the anti-W sticker on my car. that sticker has been on my car for over a year, and so far there hasn't been much negative reaction to it. until now.

this morning as i was leaving for a dentist appointment i noticed something new: a W etched into the side of my car. i wish i were angry, but mostly i feel sad and violated and like this epitomizes the reason i got the sticker in the first place.

it's not going to be cheap to get this fixed. once i do, should i get rid of the sticker in favor of keeping my car from being vandalized again? is that a no-brainer? i shouldn't have to decide between my right to free speech and keeping my property from being damaged.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

i expect a kangaroo. soon.

since linda tagged me & i'm waiting on my kangaroo to arrive from australia (she said it's in the mail), i'll oblige her.

the fifth sentence from my 23rd post:

"i wish i had more interesting things to say." followed by: "i do not."

i hope that doesn't sum up my blog. if it does i should just stop the torture now.

last night alvin told me that i am the most pro-objectifying person he knows. i thought that was really funny. i told him that's (part of) my blog name. of course, he'd know that if he ever read it.

i'll update later. i'm hoping frito girl will entertain me during class. i don't want to disappoint susan. and susan, i hope you feel better soon!

(and the rules, should anyone need them: 1. Go into your archives 2.Find your 23rd post 3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to it.) 4. Post the text of your sentence in your blog along with these rules 5.Tag five other people.)

Thursday, October 13, 2005

fritos: the new aphrodisiac.

i'm so hungry. anything stupid i say in this post can be blamed on the starvation. i would make myself a sandwich, but dog #1 (the one that can reach the counter tops & likes to eat shoes) ate our last loaf of bread last night because he was pissed off that he hadn't had a walk yet--this is the second loaf of bread he has stolen and gorged himself on this week. when he's full of carbs he won't eat his dog food, so beagle dog eats other dog's dog food and is now getting to be a fat beagle dog. oh, also, they broke into the dog food bag last week and gorged themselves then, too. anyhow, my point is that there is nothing here for me to eat, but my dogs are well fed.

statistics class today was mildly exciting because, finally, we started talking about numbers! i honestly didn't think we'd get to this part of the class. i assumed i would finish the course without ever having calculated anything. more interesting than that development, though, was watching the interactions of the guy and girl who sit in the seats in front of me. i think they finally hooked up--they seem to be headed that way based on the overt flirting during previous classes. today she stealthily handed a bag of fritos to him that she wanted him to open because she was making too much noise trying to open them by herself. he couldn't do it, not quietly, so he stealthily handed them back. i was so amused that i forgot to pay attention to the lecture.

frito girl was wearing a skirt, and her hair was washed and brushed. normally it's in a messy pile on top of her head, which is fine, but she looked extra nice today. also, she was wearing make up and jewelry, which is why i totally think they're getting it on. that and the fritos.

after class was v. sad because i didn't get to see hot tuesday guy who should have been standing exactly where he was when i first/last saw him, waiting for me to walk by and admire him. he wasn't there.

tonight alvin and i are going to check out this dude and his amazing nintendo-piano abilities. i've been looking forward to it all week.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

disclaimer: no offense meant to anyone i might be married to.

on my way out of class today, on the walk to my car, i looked up and saw the most attractive boy i've seen in a long time. he was tall, and dark, and handsome, and all kinds of other good things. i actually caught myself licking my lips, which was really embarrassing because he saw it, too. i'm lucky i didn't trip over anything during this ordeal.

in the middle of all the staring i remembered how crappy i look--i haven't had a chance to take a shower yet because we had our hot water heater replaced this morning and there was no hot water or showers to be had. i don't wanna look like ass when i'm caught drooling over someone who is worthy of stalking. he was hot hot hot. i just hope i didn't scare him.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

success x three

*i finally won a game of monopoly against alvin the other night, for the first time ever. i don't know what i did right, or he did wrong, but it was very satisfying to watch him mortgage half of his properties and finally give up.

* i've utterly traumatized beagle dog with my new tactic for making him be quiet: when he starts making the screaming beagle noise, i squirt water on him from the water bottle sprayer thing. he hates water. it works. even better is that it works on beagle dog if i spray the other dog! they often run around in circles in the living room, and when beagle dog gets tired of running he hops up on the couch, which inevitably pisses off other dog because he's not ready to quit. that's when other dog starts the high pitched barking that hurts my brain. so i spray him when he keeps it up, and beagle dog makes a run for it downstairs. it's hilarious. water solves all dog problems.

lest it sound like i'm torturing my dogs (i'm not) and enjoying it (i am), i've only sprayed them about five times total. they bark a lot less now.

*i made a 94 on my statistics test. =) quite a few people made 40-somethings or otherwise failed, so i don't feel like such a bad student anymore.

Monday, October 03, 2005

my new obsession wins again...and am i a loser?

i was on my way to the post office earlier when something weird happened. i was stopped at a red light and noticed the truck behind me was stopped kinda close to me, so i thought maybe the guy had just gotten into my lane and needed more space. so i pulled up. and he got even closer. and when i looked in my rearview mirror again, he was holding up his fingers in an L shape--isn't that pretty much the universal sign for loser? he did this for awhile...like until the light turned green. he was also smirking. and i hoped it was directed towards someone else, but there was no one else in his truck and he was looking straight at me. i also wondered if maybe L stood for something nicer. wishful thinking.

the only thing i can think of is that was his oh-so-nice reaction to the anti-W sticker on my car. anti-bush sentiment is ubiquitous around here, so if he's making awful loser signs to everyone with similar bumper stickers his hand must really hurt by now. and he's a jerk.

and then i convinced myself that i obviously deserve a latte because i've got to study for my test...so i went to starbucks and the pretty boy at the drive-thru handed me a latte and life was good again. i'm so easily placated.